Yuck, what's that smell? (grimace)

Remember that episode from Friends, where Phoebe sings about Smelly Cat? I think I should write a song about Smelly Plane. I don't know what it is, but lately there have been tons of not so good smells on the plane. From feet, to diapers, to BO, to those smells that float around from a sleeping passenger. Now normally, I'm all about sparing someone from embarrassment, but sometimes a flight attendant has to do what a flight attendant has to do. Like ask someone to put their shoes back on (Yes, I did this. I HAD to. It was making me dry heave!). Or spraying my "oh so yummy smelling" Bath and Body Vanilla Sugar air freshener into the back lavatory after someone dropped a bomb. I used to be self conscious about the offender seeing me do this. Now, I really don't care. I open the door just enough so the can will fit in, trun my head, spray like I'm putting out a fire, and then slam the door shut so Sweet Vanilla can go to town. You can tell if someone is a good flight attendant by asking if they carry their own lav spray. The stuff SWA buys is good 'fer nuthin'.

There are all kinds of smells that can emanate from the plane. Take the lavatory for instance. Ewww. Yuck. You know you are in trouble if an old man goes in with a magazine. (Hint: don't read said magazine after he leaves it on the plane). What is it about traveling that makes people want to empty their bowels at 41,000 feet? Can't you do that at home? Why must you do it when we are on a 4+ hour flight, confined in a small space, with recirculated air? And then you come out of the lavatory with a big grin on your face. Plus, I can tell if you flushed or not. I am now wired to be aware of a flushing sound. But more than 1 flush is not a good thing. Let me tell you, more women than men flush. And more women than men wash their hands, too. I know. I see this. I hear this. I have told many a person to go back in the lav and flush. Lots of people don't know that a flush button exists. Well, where do you think it goes?!? It's not gonna magically disappear! And I certainly don't want to be working in a galley with whatever was in your intestines or bladder 2 minutes ago now 5 feet away from me!

Then there are those that go in the lav with bare feet. Just. Plain. Icky. No ma'am, that's NOT water on the floor. That's the funky urine of the blind man who missed the toilet when he got up during all that turbulance and could not see where he was aiming. And you are now stepping in it. I hope you had your tetanus shot.

And "Ms. I weigh 400 lbs"......I know the lavatory is small. Actually, it's not that small. It's just that YOU are not small. So please try to refrain from telling me that they need to make the lavatories bigger. Maybe you should just not eat all that "sugar-high-calorie-tons of preservatives that are not good for you" snack pack junk we serve. Just because we give it to you and it's free, does not mean you must consume it. And those 4 cans of tomato juice you asked for? Guess how much sodium they pack? Yep, you're gonna be bloated like a dead frog. And don't get me started on the "ya'll need to make these seats bigger" tangent. Thats another blog entry that I'll visit later.

Okay, more interesting adventures later. I lobby in 1 hour...ding ding ding!!!!! Anyone remember what lobby means?!?!

Adios from Sacramento. That's the capitol of California. Ah-nold lives here. And as he would say, "I'll be back!".

Bye!